So maybe God asked me to write Him a letter, write Him my complaints, my worries, my sickness, my failures and ask Him, why?
I never wanted to be here, never thought I deserved to be here. I never wanted to be the extra, never the insignificant, maybe it was wrong, but I wanted to be special. Just a little out of the ordinary.
So was I granted? I don’t know, and maybe I’ll never be lucky enough to find out, but every once in a while, life is a bit over whelming, just sometimes, I lose myself in the crowd full of hopelessness, and I lose my hope and it seems like the worlds too big a place for me. And I’m too small, too irrelevant.
I wanted to be a priority; I wanted to be the one, not the burden in somebody’s life. I wanted to be great. I wanted to be loved for who I was, I needed to be accepted for my failures, for my deficiencies and still be special for everything that existed in me.
I wanted a life where life was all that I breathed. I didn’t want to change for love; I needed love to find me just where I was, and however I was.
I wanted to be part of a life, where I wasn’t ungrateful, where it didn’t seem too big of a loss, when I had lost all my winnings.
I didn’t want to wake up every day, and think I wasn’t enough.
I wanted to be a part of something legendary, something that existed, when all else diminished. I never wanted to shed tears on all that I had lost, I wanted to value the great, and let go of all that I couldn’t accomplish. I didn’t want to have regrets. I didn’t want to do so many things that life made me do.
I didn’t want things to be necessary, I wanted them to be, because I believed in them. I wanted to be a helper, of good and kind, I didn’t want to run away, every time somebody asked for a helping hand, because I believed I would just help them slip through the fall, rather than help them cross the hurdle.
I wanted to be strong, not hide undercover, because I was too afraid to be hard. I wanted to open my heart out and give it my all to the one I loved; I didn’t want to be told to turn away because my all wasn’t enough. I wanted to be courageous and brave to fight for my beliefs.
I never wanted to need somebody that I forgot to need myself in times when darkness fell upon my igniting light.  I wanted to move forward from all that couldn’t be mine, because I never had it in me to keep what I had earned. I wanted to believe, that some things were meant to be.
I never wanted punishments for my wrongs, I needed to be understood because I felt I was too complex for my own power, and I never wanted to be powerless in times when all I needed was my will to go on.
I needed a shoulder to cry on, I needed a partner for this long lonely ride, I needed a hand when times got tough, I needed my smile to fill up some one’s night, I needed my answers to be sufficient for questions that had no answers, I needed no mystery, I needed no complications, I needed no hard life to make me strong, I needed no excitement to go on, I didn’t need all the glamour, all the riches in the world. I needed it to be simple. I needed it to be safe.
All I needed was you.


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