Hope

As I walked into the dark lifeless night of the city, the lights poured down on every inch of the main road, as the sidewalks lay, shadowed in its own obscurity, drowning in the gloom of strangers and beggars.
As I passed every individual, I realized, I was so far away, from the bubble I lived in, the place I called home, wasn’t really that secure, the ideals my life was built on, was so shallow, and lonely.
I wasn’t searching for inspiration; I wasn’t searching for sympathy gaining people, so that I would learn to be grateful. That night, all I was looking for, was God.
I didn’t find Him when I kneeled to the ground to pray for my desires, I didn’t find Him, when I promised to be a better person just if I could be granted my one wish for the day, and it was granted, I didn’t even find Him when I let the tears fall from my eyes, because some days, life just really got hard, and I wanted to give up. I explored my broken dreams; I tried to stare at the sky just to catch the moon beaming down at me, with stars that so barely existed. And I wondered where was He?
I saw the masked women, who were free from the worries of curious, answer seeking habits, like myself.
Some days, I knew there was a God above, some days, I believed with my heart, that life would turn out to be just fine, as that was the rule of the world. Other days I knew my secrets, my feelings were unknown to the Lord above, as they existed despite the pain that felt so heavy against my chest. That when I didn’t know something was bad for me, He would just let me make the mistakes, and still help me put the pieces back together.
What a silly little game it was to play. For I am only human, easily broken and mended. But the only thing you take chances with is a puppet, whose strings are withheld, and every mess they create, or clean, is on you.
So where was God? I walked miles and miles and never found him. I stared at my own reflection, and still no trace. So where did he go? Leaving me in a mess of a world, alone to face my demons, and battle my own lost causes. For wasn’t I the girl who was “secretly cute?”
And now I held all the questions, but no answers. And only some actions, only some words, make the wrongs, your rights. Just like only water can put off a flaming fire, a heart can only be broken once. And once you push too hard at something, eventually it falls off, due to the pull of gravity.
So where could I find my reasons and logics, for I found them all in one. And if I couldn’t find Him. I was lost. Without reason.  Without the single concept that got me by every day, hope.
So on that lonely night, when I journeyed through time and space in my own self, looking for a reflection that what I needed, still existed in, not the brave and honorable, but the ordinary.
I saw on the sidewalks, just hit by cupid’s arrow couples, confused businessmen still nailing down the negotiation, or the last of the ladies, waiting for someone to take them home, so maybe, they’ll get by the night, with the single bill to fill their empty stomachs, and children too engrossed in a game, created by themselves, to pass the time with a few knock out laughs. I saw one common spark in all these people’s eyes, all these strangers, having one thing in common, all of them looking for one single thing for the night, all praying for one thing every single day and some days, most of them even found it, in each other, or by the simple act of believing. They found what they needed from their Lord the most, they found hope.