Idea of Tomorrow

Time doesn’t stop for anyone, the sun will manage to rise every day, the earth will keep revolving, and for all you know many days, you will be stuck in a particular time, refusing to budge, refusing to acknowledge the existing changes revolving your mere existence. Time doesn’t stop, no. But every once in a while, we stop living.
You may feel the realm of possibilities coming to an end in that one moment, but that moment doesn’t stop anything, it doesn’t change anything. It just digs a hole big enough inside you, to find a way to bury itself within, so you may find a way to remember it, cherish it, accuse it, and analyze it, but you never get a chance to recover from it.
Putting one foot in front of the other is easy, but taking a step towards something that holds a chance to overwhelm you, will always make you hesitate, make you tremble a little, not knowing that this might be the chance to learn to breathe again, because in that instant, all you can think about is what you’re leaving behind, a trail of memories, of cherished recollections and lessons learned. And all that you need, all you can seem to want in that particular moment is, an acknowledgement big enough to signify your existence as a part of something more that the world can recognize, because there’s a time, a moment, a place and there’s always a reason, to move forward and let it go.
To let go of the fears that you think define you, to let go of dreams that seem unfulfilled, because there’s always a way to dream again, it’s just inside you.
Your heart will still skip a beat, the days that follow you from there on, will be a constant reminder to what you had, and what you lost. Of what you thought was right and what you thought was wrong.
Yet somehow, the line between those rights and wrongs becomes duller and they both seem to fit into one, and you acknowledge the concept of letting go.
There’s so much the world can teach you, even when you don’t want it too, there is so much that a soul can take and be patient to take more, for eventually every soul has one mate, one that is immortal, because even if we don’t live forever, even if nothing stays the same, each soul will survive, and each soul will have a partner till the end of time.
We travel so many places, to learn, to grow, to discover something extraordinary, even though what is most aspiring, what is most exceptional, is the passage you find that leads you astray from doubts, expectations, worries, anything world-like, where you can finally be face to face with your fears, and find that you’re the one who wins that battle, for it is not about the things we said, it’s about the things we didn’t say, and the things we didn’t do, that stay inside you for a long time.
You can call it regret, or you can call it fate, and maybe, you can call it circumstance, which came in the way of you and your failure.
Regret has many shapes and forms, but it comes out, from within you, when you are on a journey to self discovery, you find your best friend and your worst enemy was inside you all along, and the best part of that is, that it will never deceive you, never give you assurances that you don’t deserve, and above it all, never desert you.
So you hold on to the better part of you, and put faith in the idea that what has passed you by, will remain inside you, for better or worse, but you will let go of holding on to all the hurt, and all the blame that your heart has endured, but letting go doesn’t come easy, it’s when time seems unreal, and you can feel that you’re finally healing, it’s just an intuition that leads you there on.
It can be the key that unlocks all the secrets, through the false pretences you left to the entrance of the passage way, that leads you on a trail full of doubts and mystery, but to the doorstep of fate. So you believe in the power of intuition, you believe that sometimes two minds can communicate, talk, without speaking, see, without looking, touch, without being near at all and so they know when to reach out, and when to back down.
And when there is time, to walk away, and you know that the odds are stacked against you, and there is no way that you can turn the table around, instead of holding onto things that will only suffocate your living existence, darken and burden you thoughts, you think of sunrise from the top of a cliff, of the feeling of having your toes dipped in the bed of the ocean and how there is greater depth in life, and nothing on the surface is really anything, until you dig in deeper, and so you let the surface sway, you let your thoughts take you to a higher level, where pain is much more insignificant, and you let go of all the fears, mistakes and painful memories of yesterday, and only remember the idea of tomorrow.

“People create their own questions because they are afraid to look straight. All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don’t sit looking at it – walk.”
― Ayn Rand


The Perfect Illusion

Do you know how many villains it takes to make a hero? Have you ever counted the number of barriers it takes for a runner to reach the final point?
Have you ever considered the amount of right words it takes to create a particular scene?
Doesn’t it take a lot of mistakes to create a perfect melody?
And after taking into account all these things, how many times do you find yourself, at loss, to make the perfect mistakes, say all the right words, in the right order, overstep all the barriers, and defeat all your demons, to have the ideal outcome.
But most days, the thing that can always conquer your irrationality is the rush of affection, or the rush of emotion you feel in a moment, that you feel, can almost define your life, from there onwards.
And the one thing, that is always miscalculated, is the importance of the ordinary moments in your life, and how you keep trying to look for a definition of a perfect moment, or the definition of the highest or the lowest point in your life.
The classification of the perfect moment, that can define you, can never exist. So once you capture, you’re exceptional times, in the back of your head, you carry a pocketful of memories to create illusions for the rest of your days. So you hold onto that shadow of your perfection, and you try to live by it, to live in it. To surround yourself with it.
But the illusion, is just a trick of your mind, it’s just an act, and all you have to do is wait for the curtain to rip, and your illusion to turn into a ferret, or a dove, and fly away, leaving you standing there, like the rest of the audience, in awe. For illusions are not created, they are mistaken, by the weakness that exists within all of us, to hold onto the better part of yesterday. So we lie to ourselves a little, trick the soul a little, take two wrong steps, to take the one right one, so that it feels like an accomplishment.
For inside we know, that the fire is burning down, and either you can ignite the flame, or you can let it burn you down into ashes.
So you keep going over the same mistakes, the same misconceptions, to find yourself at the end of the road again, holding onto your petty illusions, hoping against all hope, not knowing that the thing that keeps you from moving forward is only you and you alone.
A hero needs a villain in the story, to be declared a hero. A warrior is not a warrior, if there is no war to begin with. Just like that, you are not a survivor, or at peace with yourself, if you haven’t complicated, meddled with, or dealt with, that other side of you, that needs to fight, that needs to question, that need not suffice to a single answer.
The fire that needs to burn in you, that passion that tends to exist within you, always needs a seed, that can be grown into something more than an illusion of what you need, of what you wish you could be.
There’s always a different perspective to winning a game. Someone will always win, and someone will always lose, but it’s not about the number of times you win, it’s about the number of times the winning, is worth it.
-“Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding. And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life; your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy”
— Khalil Gibran

Tribute to Insanity

Every good thing in life always comes with a cost. Be it the lessons you learn, the anonymity you make sense of, the sadness you encounter, and the happiness you create. It all comes with a price.
The price of your soul. It slowly etches away, bit by bit, scrapes away what is complete, to something that is aged, something that is scarred with more knowledge then you thought possible. With bitterness, disappointments, with philosophies, theories based on your own experiences, that seem verifiable later.
You try to lead a life, keeping in mind not to over step boundaries, not to knock on the same door twice, so you won’t be pushed into the ground the third time.
You still can’t figure out where you belong, but you realize, where you don’t belong.
That’s when you know, that you can never know for sure, at all.
It’s the interminable loop, where nothing right is ever justified, and nothing wrong, is ever proved.
Because, your right and wrongs are only yours to keep, only yours to live with, they are your own personal slave, bowing and struggling to keep up with your every day endeavors, your every day achievements and failures.
Some of us justify our decisions merely as insanity. It is the most uncomplicated task, of shoving all our complications, all the snippets, leftovers, of bad days, of incomplete conversations, of darker nights, filled with rainy mornings, of empty feelings and hollows that exist within, into a chest, to be opened some other day. But the fact that we often miss facing is that chest seems to dwell deep within us, so every time we try to look within our self, whenever the moment calls for a reality check, that’s the first place where we are directed.
You cannot hide behind a veil of sorrows, nor can you hide behind an exterior of iron, for the skin is too thin, and behind this, inhabits everything that may amaze you, scare you, amuse you and eventually define you.
This idea of insanity may be well justified, but it is carefully weaved through time, and eventually it becomes a part of you that you cannot tear away.
Paulo Coelho wrote in Eleven Minutes:
“When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself.”
You cannot let anything define who you are, your identity, your being is only yours to will, only yours to keep, and only yours to face at the end of the day.
Your fate may frighten you; your faith may forsake you, but your dreams, your resolve, will stay with you.
Life can change you, and make the big decisions, the overpowering motivations, the ambitions define you, but every once in a while, when you’re tired and your knees buckle beneath you, you can feel the sparkle of the night because of the stars, the smell of the ground after a night full of rain, a slight breeze playing upon your hair, when doubts surround you and you feel the love surround you. It’s that time, where you look within, to who you are, and see that it is never enough then. Your being, Is a tiny place in the world, and if it is not enough for you, it can never be enough to the universe.
That is the time, where you open the chest of unhappiness, and somehow find, that pain is there for a reason, and that tangled web of insanity is the only thing that keeps you sane.
You cannot imprison thoughts; you cannot enslave yourself in a life that will eventually pass you by, you have to choke, to breathe again.
“There is a legend about a bird which sings only once in it’s life, more beautifully than any other creature on the face of the earth. From the moment it leaves it’s nest, it searches for a thorn tree, and does not rest until it has found one. Then, it impales it’s breast on the longest, sharpest thorn. But as it is dying, it rises above it’s own agony to outsing the Lark and the Nightingale. The Thornbird pays it’s life for that one song, and the whole world stills to listen, and God in his heaven smiles, as it’s best is brought only at the cost of great pain; Driven to the thorn with no knowledge of the dying to come.
But when we press the thorn to our breast, we know, we understand…. and still, we do it.”  ~ Colleen McCullough

Sound of Music

There is an echo in the wake of a silent mind; there is a soft thud of the heart that gives beat to the slow breathing of a human being, which hereby, creates a rhythm.
Without wanting to, without knowing so, we create music.
For some, it is something sacred, for some, it is feelings that are wrapped in a melody.  When words aren’t sufficient, it’s the only way to let yourself out. The only way to let yourself go, to go in the depth of something more than ordinary, and swim in the masses of an implausible being.
It is the depth to one’s soul, it helps you hold on to time, save a moment in a song, in the slow strumming of a guitar, or the critical moments of the violin, the high notes of a piano, it is your savior, or a way to open your eyes to feelings crushed deep inside you.
Suspension, silence, is all you need.
It is said,
“There’s music in the sighing of a reed;
There’s music in the gushing of a rill;
There’s music in all things, if men had ears:
Their earth is but an echo of the spheres.”
Lord Byron
If you look closely enough, you will find that even kings weep to the sounds of music; it can get the higher to the ground, and make the beggars rise above the kings, with the right note, with the correct symphony.
It becomes your recognition, for you are not bigger, nor lesser, but you just let yourself be what you are in that moment.
When you feel a tune, you don’t say it, you don’t find the words to express it, you just feel it in your veins, flowing through your body like blood, giving you the rush, or giving you the peace.
Inspiring you, or giving way to passion. It is indescribable for it is a feeling that can either be your lullaby or your blaze.
It can either make you swing your hair, when you’re lost in the moment, with your lips parted for the slow intake of air, your hands carelessly loose around you, soaring with your body, while your feet are just above the ground.
In that moment, you’re in an alternate universe, captivated by the music, unable to recognize your own strength, for everything becomes a weakness bowing down to the sounds that only remain, to make you believe that insanity surely exists.
It exists in every one of us, it isn’t ecstasy, no, it isn’t a substance. It has no price, it cannot be sold. It is who you are, and to each, the sound of music is different, to each one of us, insanity comes differently; it is deep, for it touches your being. But only, when it touches your inner self, you find the solace, or you find the madness, for you finally find yourself.

Gravity by Sara Bareilles

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be
I don’t wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
I’m just the way I’m supposed to be
But you’re on to me and all over me

You loved me ’cause I’m fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free, leave me be
I don’t wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
I’m just the way I’m supposed to be
But you’re on to me and all over me

I live here on my knees
As I try to make you see
That you’re everything I think I need
Here on the ground

But you’re neither friend nor foe
Though I can’t seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know
Is that you’re keeping me down
You’re keeping me down

You’re on to me, on to me and all over
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long


As I walked into the dark lifeless night of the city, the lights poured down on every inch of the main road, as the sidewalks lay, shadowed in its own obscurity, drowning in the gloom of strangers and beggars.
As I passed every individual, I realized, I was so far away, from the bubble I lived in, the place I called home, wasn’t really that secure, the ideals my life was built on, was so shallow, and lonely.
I wasn’t searching for inspiration; I wasn’t searching for sympathy gaining people, so that I would learn to be grateful. That night, all I was looking for, was God.
I didn’t find Him when I kneeled to the ground to pray for my desires, I didn’t find Him, when I promised to be a better person just if I could be granted my one wish for the day, and it was granted, I didn’t even find Him when I let the tears fall from my eyes, because some days, life just really got hard, and I wanted to give up. I explored my broken dreams; I tried to stare at the sky just to catch the moon beaming down at me, with stars that so barely existed. And I wondered where was He?
I saw the masked women, who were free from the worries of curious, answer seeking habits, like myself.
Some days, I knew there was a God above, some days, I believed with my heart, that life would turn out to be just fine, as that was the rule of the world. Other days I knew my secrets, my feelings were unknown to the Lord above, as they existed despite the pain that felt so heavy against my chest. That when I didn’t know something was bad for me, He would just let me make the mistakes, and still help me put the pieces back together.
What a silly little game it was to play. For I am only human, easily broken and mended. But the only thing you take chances with is a puppet, whose strings are withheld, and every mess they create, or clean, is on you.
So where was God? I walked miles and miles and never found him. I stared at my own reflection, and still no trace. So where did he go? Leaving me in a mess of a world, alone to face my demons, and battle my own lost causes. For wasn’t I the girl who was “secretly cute?”
And now I held all the questions, but no answers. And only some actions, only some words, make the wrongs, your rights. Just like only water can put off a flaming fire, a heart can only be broken once. And once you push too hard at something, eventually it falls off, due to the pull of gravity.
So where could I find my reasons and logics, for I found them all in one. And if I couldn’t find Him. I was lost. Without reason.  Without the single concept that got me by every day, hope.
So on that lonely night, when I journeyed through time and space in my own self, looking for a reflection that what I needed, still existed in, not the brave and honorable, but the ordinary.
I saw on the sidewalks, just hit by cupid’s arrow couples, confused businessmen still nailing down the negotiation, or the last of the ladies, waiting for someone to take them home, so maybe, they’ll get by the night, with the single bill to fill their empty stomachs, and children too engrossed in a game, created by themselves, to pass the time with a few knock out laughs. I saw one common spark in all these people’s eyes, all these strangers, having one thing in common, all of them looking for one single thing for the night, all praying for one thing every single day and some days, most of them even found it, in each other, or by the simple act of believing. They found what they needed from their Lord the most, they found hope.

The Colour Red

Maybe I’m hurt
Or maybe I know what goes wrong
Maybe its paranoia, or id rather fantasize
You’ve given me a reason to fall back and hypnotize
Either we catch the moment, or lose it
There is nothing we can do, to hold it
We’re running in a crowd of hopelessness
To save and be saved from our loneliness
We’re deceptive, we’re doubtful, saying goodbye to the hurtful
Living in illusion for the peace of heart
Broken or mended, we know, emptiness can’t be sought
Try to put the pieces together
the puzzle that won’t fit, only wither
Time goes by, unnoticed
So we hide, under the darkness, hooded
There are moments of fear, there are moments of valor
You know what lives in you, and maybe that’s the ideal for your horror
You can close your eyes, picture the lady in red
You think, she’s gone, vanished, due to the infirmity in her, that you bred.
But look closely, for it is just part of life
Nothing comes easy, and nothing comes cheap, it’s just the price you pay for the wild life
So when you dig the hole, big and deep
You sit alone, beside the emptiness of the darkness, wanting to weep
Dream the dream,
You’ll find the words, find the answers in your own questionable blame
Look closely in the distance, and you’ll find the colour red.
For sometimes, you need to be, to understand why things remain unsaid.


Love, a four letter word. This can either tie you forever, or set you free. You can never have enough, never claim to give enough, because it is something that cannot be measured, it is something that cannot be forced. It just is.
It can either be your savior, or it can be the poison that slowly tortures your heart into believing, to stop being.
They say, action speaks louder than words, but most days, our actions are thought out, they are predictable, they are required to be rational, but words? Words come out from the depth of your heart; they speak what can otherwise never be said. Your words mirror your instincts, and your words can either break someone’s heart, or they can fix a broken smile.
What you choose to do with your words is what matters. For it does not matter what you say, or how you say it, it’s what you mean to say. And that can make all the difference in the world.
There are so many people in your life, some you choose to disregard, others exist with the exception of the pain you put them through, and so even if you don’t know it, you can touch so many lives, without realizing. There are so many people who don’t survive your memory, who you hurt, who you probably made feel something, which you might not have felt yet with the power of your words.
Words, like the heart, are either a weapon, or a shield. So how do you want to use either today?
Mark Twain said, when you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain. So when you fight for love, when you find reasons or justifications for love, you’d never find it in your brain, you’d always find that in your heart.
Blaise Pascal once wrote, the heart has reasons that reasons cannot know.  I second this statement. For logic and reasons succumb in front of the mighty feeling of a small beating heart. A feeling that is indescribable for it is stronger than the major sense of to be, or not to be.
So when you’re finding a reason to live, when you’re finding the words to describe the pain or happiness you’re feeling, when you’re fighting for one single belief that exists in you so passionately, who do you follow in a moment like this? Do you follow your logical, reasoning friend the brain, or do you follow your frail yet strong friend, your heart? Because when you love something, anything, you love from your heart. So in times of crisis, in times of trouble, that’s who you should turn to as well.
So when you feel hopeless, when you feel troubled, when the people in your life don’t seem to be enough, because your heart aches for just one, you should know to give up, the idea of giving up.
6,697,254,041 people exist in the world today. Some are falling in love right now; some are getting their hearts broken. Some are taking a life, others are saving one. Somewhere in the world right now, a person’s heart may be aching, and someone else may finally be relieved of the pain. Somewhere someone may be walking away, and someone may be coming back.
6,697,254,041 souls finding their way, hurting, loving, living and dying. And sometimes, all you need is one. And if you’re lucky enough, if you’re the luckiest person, that one person decides to love you back.

A Miracle.

We all need reasons to believe that there are some moments in life, some special, very particular moments, where you wish for something, knowing it will be granted.
|Some people meditate, some call on to the heavens when the time calls for it, some wait to blow the candle on their birthday cake, some go on long journeys to make a wish come true, and some toss a coin in a fountain, to ensure their wish.
We all need to have faith in something, something bigger than us. We need to believe that there has to be someone more than ordinary, who gets to grant you your wish, who gets to set aside your faults, your misgivings, and grant you something that is important to you despite it all.
Faith doesn’t come easy, nor does believing that you might just get what you want, by only the sheer will of wanting it badly. What we believe in times of crisis, in times of need, we believe in a miracle. We put our reason, logic, understanding of how the world generally works aside, and we put all our hopes on that one single word, we put all our faith in that one solitary belief, a miracle.
Because you can’t be optimistic, because there is a part of you that is being torn apart when you state all the facts, when your gut tells you to run because this is the end, you believe in a miracle, you believe that the night will pass, that the darkness will eventually fade, that miracles happen, that in life, you are not alone and there is a supreme being, who knows best, who knows that when you need to survive, you need to believe.
So for that sake alone, just to get by your day, just so your breathing slows down, and your heart rate stabilizes, you make yourself believe in miracles. In miracles that make unbelievers, believers, that make faithless human beings, into men of faith.
So for your sake, you believe in all the things that just seemed unattainable a second ago, you believe that if you try hard enough, if you just consider, the universe will play its part, and there will be happiness screaming from through you.
And some days you don’t really know that a miracle is only waiting to be asked for, and sometimes you just realize, that a miracle exists, within you.


So maybe God asked me to write Him a letter, write Him my complaints, my worries, my sickness, my failures and ask Him, why?
I never wanted to be here, never thought I deserved to be here. I never wanted to be the extra, never the insignificant, maybe it was wrong, but I wanted to be special. Just a little out of the ordinary.
So was I granted? I don’t know, and maybe I’ll never be lucky enough to find out, but every once in a while, life is a bit over whelming, just sometimes, I lose myself in the crowd full of hopelessness, and I lose my hope and it seems like the worlds too big a place for me. And I’m too small, too irrelevant.
I wanted to be a priority; I wanted to be the one, not the burden in somebody’s life. I wanted to be great. I wanted to be loved for who I was, I needed to be accepted for my failures, for my deficiencies and still be special for everything that existed in me.
I wanted a life where life was all that I breathed. I didn’t want to change for love; I needed love to find me just where I was, and however I was.
I wanted to be part of a life, where I wasn’t ungrateful, where it didn’t seem too big of a loss, when I had lost all my winnings.
I didn’t want to wake up every day, and think I wasn’t enough.
I wanted to be a part of something legendary, something that existed, when all else diminished. I never wanted to shed tears on all that I had lost, I wanted to value the great, and let go of all that I couldn’t accomplish. I didn’t want to have regrets. I didn’t want to do so many things that life made me do.
I didn’t want things to be necessary, I wanted them to be, because I believed in them. I wanted to be a helper, of good and kind, I didn’t want to run away, every time somebody asked for a helping hand, because I believed I would just help them slip through the fall, rather than help them cross the hurdle.
I wanted to be strong, not hide undercover, because I was too afraid to be hard. I wanted to open my heart out and give it my all to the one I loved; I didn’t want to be told to turn away because my all wasn’t enough. I wanted to be courageous and brave to fight for my beliefs.
I never wanted to need somebody that I forgot to need myself in times when darkness fell upon my igniting light.  I wanted to move forward from all that couldn’t be mine, because I never had it in me to keep what I had earned. I wanted to believe, that some things were meant to be.
I never wanted punishments for my wrongs, I needed to be understood because I felt I was too complex for my own power, and I never wanted to be powerless in times when all I needed was my will to go on.
I needed a shoulder to cry on, I needed a partner for this long lonely ride, I needed a hand when times got tough, I needed my smile to fill up some one’s night, I needed my answers to be sufficient for questions that had no answers, I needed no mystery, I needed no complications, I needed no hard life to make me strong, I needed no excitement to go on, I didn’t need all the glamour, all the riches in the world. I needed it to be simple. I needed it to be safe.
All I needed was you.