Idea of Tomorrow


Time doesn’t stop for anyone, the sun will manage to rise every day, the earth will keep revolving, and for all you know many days, you will be stuck in a particular time, refusing to budge, refusing to acknowledge the existing changes revolving your mere existence. Time doesn’t stop, no. But every once in a while, we stop living.
You may feel the realm of possibilities coming to an end in that one moment, but that moment doesn’t stop anything, it doesn’t change anything. It just digs a hole big enough inside you, to find a way to bury itself within, so you may find a way to remember it, cherish it, accuse it, and analyze it, but you never get a chance to recover from it.
Putting one foot in front of the other is easy, but taking a step towards something that holds a chance to overwhelm you, will always make you hesitate, make you tremble a little, not knowing that this might be the chance to learn to breathe again, because in that instant, all you can think about is what you’re leaving behind, a trail of memories, of cherished recollections and lessons learned. And all that you need, all you can seem to want in that particular moment is, an acknowledgement big enough to signify your existence as a part of something more that the world can recognize, because there’s a time, a moment, a place and there’s always a reason, to move forward and let it go.
To let go of the fears that you think define you, to let go of dreams that seem unfulfilled, because there’s always a way to dream again, it’s just inside you.
Your heart will still skip a beat, the days that follow you from there on, will be a constant reminder to what you had, and what you lost. Of what you thought was right and what you thought was wrong.
Yet somehow, the line between those rights and wrongs becomes duller and they both seem to fit into one, and you acknowledge the concept of letting go.
There’s so much the world can teach you, even when you don’t want it too, there is so much that a soul can take and be patient to take more, for eventually every soul has one mate, one that is immortal, because even if we don’t live forever, even if nothing stays the same, each soul will survive, and each soul will have a partner till the end of time.
We travel so many places, to learn, to grow, to discover something extraordinary, even though what is most aspiring, what is most exceptional, is the passage you find that leads you astray from doubts, expectations, worries, anything world-like, where you can finally be face to face with your fears, and find that you’re the one who wins that battle, for it is not about the things we said, it’s about the things we didn’t say, and the things we didn’t do, that stay inside you for a long time.
You can call it regret, or you can call it fate, and maybe, you can call it circumstance, which came in the way of you and your failure.
Regret has many shapes and forms, but it comes out, from within you, when you are on a journey to self discovery, you find your best friend and your worst enemy was inside you all along, and the best part of that is, that it will never deceive you, never give you assurances that you don’t deserve, and above it all, never desert you.
So you hold on to the better part of you, and put faith in the idea that what has passed you by, will remain inside you, for better or worse, but you will let go of holding on to all the hurt, and all the blame that your heart has endured, but letting go doesn’t come easy, it’s when time seems unreal, and you can feel that you’re finally healing, it’s just an intuition that leads you there on.
It can be the key that unlocks all the secrets, through the false pretences you left to the entrance of the passage way, that leads you on a trail full of doubts and mystery, but to the doorstep of fate. So you believe in the power of intuition, you believe that sometimes two minds can communicate, talk, without speaking, see, without looking, touch, without being near at all and so they know when to reach out, and when to back down.
And when there is time, to walk away, and you know that the odds are stacked against you, and there is no way that you can turn the table around, instead of holding onto things that will only suffocate your living existence, darken and burden you thoughts, you think of sunrise from the top of a cliff, of the feeling of having your toes dipped in the bed of the ocean and how there is greater depth in life, and nothing on the surface is really anything, until you dig in deeper, and so you let the surface sway, you let your thoughts take you to a higher level, where pain is much more insignificant, and you let go of all the fears, mistakes and painful memories of yesterday, and only remember the idea of tomorrow.

“People create their own questions because they are afraid to look straight. All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don’t sit looking at it – walk.”
― Ayn Rand

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Victim’s of Cliché


Either you hear a love song, or try to comprehend the pain of a bitter angry man, or when you catch a woman at her weakest, when there are tears, so the words come out slurred. In pain, or in absolute denial, when you turn that switch off, the one that is constantly reminding you of the word “practicality”, you find yourself trapped in a cliché.
Some of us live in the parallel universe, where fantasy finds its way to seem realistic. But others, they live in the real world, mostly facing the world every day like another ordeal, coherent towards the daily aspects, but every now and then, they fall into the trap.
I didn’t see it happening, I didn’t know when it did, but I fell into the trap. I found myself becoming a cliché. A cliché barely understood, or recognized for its own power. A curse or a blessing is based on perception. Perhaps it’s a bit of both, and if I’m a cliché for believing, than I am. For that’s what I do. I believe. I believe in the moment where you can get lost in the music, I believe even when you don’t notice, there is a soundtrack to every moment in your life, I believe in the meeting of two eyes, and shudders that can be passed around because of it. I believe that a touch of a hand can take you places far away, I believe in instability in passion. I believe a moment that lasts for a mere few seconds can have power over one that lasts longer,  I believe that you always look back to the worst times in your life, and feel the pain as strong as it was then. I believe that demeaning a past doesn’t make it seem less real, because it follows you like a shadow, everywhere you go. I believe that candlelight can really trigger romance. I believe you can hurt someone while loving them, I believe that you can smile while crying only if you have to. I believe in flying when you achieve the unattainable, I believe I’ll see my entire life flash before my eyes when I die. I believe in violins and harp’s playing when you’re falling in love.  I believe in the literal sense of breaking a heart. I believe that rock ‘n roll can take away the pain temporarily, but jazz can really mend a broken heart. I believe in roses, in small walks, in sunrise and beaches, in moonlight and sparkling stars. I believe in the importance of a slow dance, in letting go to have again.
I believe in expecting even in the worst, I believe in destiny.  I believe in prayers.
There are roses, and there are thorns. There is beauty, and there is flaw. There’s a beginning, to every end.  There is winning and there is losing. Every road either leads to, or takes from. It’s a vicious cycle. An interminable loop, where we gain or lose, but every now and then, we don’t keep account for. So we learn to give freely, and receive lovingly in the name of cliché.
Khalil Gibran once wrote, we choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.
For we all have our hidden clichés that never cease to make us smile, or make us wonder. We do foolish things in the act of love, or passion, to live in the moment, because even though we have been taught that the world is harsh, that people forget, that nothing lasts, we deem else wise.
We believe in hope, in finding a way, in never giving up, in creating a bond that doesn’t bow to time, we believe in the simple act of emotion and the depths that it can reach, and that sometimes it can take you beyond and above, and bring you right where you belong.

Hope


As I walked into the dark lifeless night of the city, the lights poured down on every inch of the main road, as the sidewalks lay, shadowed in its own obscurity, drowning in the gloom of strangers and beggars.
As I passed every individual, I realized, I was so far away, from the bubble I lived in, the place I called home, wasn’t really that secure, the ideals my life was built on, was so shallow, and lonely.
I wasn’t searching for inspiration; I wasn’t searching for sympathy gaining people, so that I would learn to be grateful. That night, all I was looking for, was God.
I didn’t find Him when I kneeled to the ground to pray for my desires, I didn’t find Him, when I promised to be a better person just if I could be granted my one wish for the day, and it was granted, I didn’t even find Him when I let the tears fall from my eyes, because some days, life just really got hard, and I wanted to give up. I explored my broken dreams; I tried to stare at the sky just to catch the moon beaming down at me, with stars that so barely existed. And I wondered where was He?
I saw the masked women, who were free from the worries of curious, answer seeking habits, like myself.
Some days, I knew there was a God above, some days, I believed with my heart, that life would turn out to be just fine, as that was the rule of the world. Other days I knew my secrets, my feelings were unknown to the Lord above, as they existed despite the pain that felt so heavy against my chest. That when I didn’t know something was bad for me, He would just let me make the mistakes, and still help me put the pieces back together.
What a silly little game it was to play. For I am only human, easily broken and mended. But the only thing you take chances with is a puppet, whose strings are withheld, and every mess they create, or clean, is on you.
So where was God? I walked miles and miles and never found him. I stared at my own reflection, and still no trace. So where did he go? Leaving me in a mess of a world, alone to face my demons, and battle my own lost causes. For wasn’t I the girl who was “secretly cute?”
And now I held all the questions, but no answers. And only some actions, only some words, make the wrongs, your rights. Just like only water can put off a flaming fire, a heart can only be broken once. And once you push too hard at something, eventually it falls off, due to the pull of gravity.
So where could I find my reasons and logics, for I found them all in one. And if I couldn’t find Him. I was lost. Without reason.  Without the single concept that got me by every day, hope.
So on that lonely night, when I journeyed through time and space in my own self, looking for a reflection that what I needed, still existed in, not the brave and honorable, but the ordinary.
I saw on the sidewalks, just hit by cupid’s arrow couples, confused businessmen still nailing down the negotiation, or the last of the ladies, waiting for someone to take them home, so maybe, they’ll get by the night, with the single bill to fill their empty stomachs, and children too engrossed in a game, created by themselves, to pass the time with a few knock out laughs. I saw one common spark in all these people’s eyes, all these strangers, having one thing in common, all of them looking for one single thing for the night, all praying for one thing every single day and some days, most of them even found it, in each other, or by the simple act of believing. They found what they needed from their Lord the most, they found hope.

A Miracle.


We all need reasons to believe that there are some moments in life, some special, very particular moments, where you wish for something, knowing it will be granted.
|Some people meditate, some call on to the heavens when the time calls for it, some wait to blow the candle on their birthday cake, some go on long journeys to make a wish come true, and some toss a coin in a fountain, to ensure their wish.
We all need to have faith in something, something bigger than us. We need to believe that there has to be someone more than ordinary, who gets to grant you your wish, who gets to set aside your faults, your misgivings, and grant you something that is important to you despite it all.
Faith doesn’t come easy, nor does believing that you might just get what you want, by only the sheer will of wanting it badly. What we believe in times of crisis, in times of need, we believe in a miracle. We put our reason, logic, understanding of how the world generally works aside, and we put all our hopes on that one single word, we put all our faith in that one solitary belief, a miracle.
Because you can’t be optimistic, because there is a part of you that is being torn apart when you state all the facts, when your gut tells you to run because this is the end, you believe in a miracle, you believe that the night will pass, that the darkness will eventually fade, that miracles happen, that in life, you are not alone and there is a supreme being, who knows best, who knows that when you need to survive, you need to believe.
So for that sake alone, just to get by your day, just so your breathing slows down, and your heart rate stabilizes, you make yourself believe in miracles. In miracles that make unbelievers, believers, that make faithless human beings, into men of faith.
So for your sake, you believe in all the things that just seemed unattainable a second ago, you believe that if you try hard enough, if you just consider, the universe will play its part, and there will be happiness screaming from through you.
And some days you don’t really know that a miracle is only waiting to be asked for, and sometimes you just realize, that a miracle exists, within you.

Inspiration.


All you need is inspiration, in your darkest hour, in your lonely days, it’s all you need, to get by. You can smoke the twinge away, you can let it blow away with the wind, but something’s, no matter how far you kick away, always find a way to catch up with you in an instant.
Some people, some things, some days, and some nights, stay with you no matter what you do. You think you’ve changed, you change your reflexes, you start expecting differently, but the heart of the matter, always stings a little when you are standing face to face with what is really inside you.
You stay similar to your alteration, and that is more predictable, because there’s a stubborn part of you buried deep down inside, that refuses to change.
So you look for inspiration, you look for the light, even if you can’t find it, you stand underneath the rain, so it can wash away the smudges and you can finally see, you search for the brightest star to guide you north, your path is disguised into thorns instead of roses, so it’s more complicated to find where you belong. People say, life changes with a blink of an eye, but nothing changes in your life, however, if you don’t change.
And as long as your heart is beating, you remember everything that passed you by, everything that was lost, everything that you couldn’t forget, and everything that you chose to forget, the battles you walked away from, the fights you lost, your ideals that nobody understood so you let them go, and the words that stay etched in your brain, no matter how hard you tried to erase them and the moments where there were no words, so you made do without them. Life doesn’t change in an instant, no, it’s a tough, manipulative process, in which you get dragged in, and it’s a whirlpool of thoughts that make you look back and take notice of the change that exists in your life in that current moment, so you take charge to balance the change in your life to all that has gone by, you inspire yourself to take one step ahead, to be more than what is expected of you to be, by yourself.
And though you fail most days to be better than what you were, the last time you took notice, you instigate your morale, you try picking out the right words, for your state of mind, and you drench yourself underneath the cold cold rain to feel more than just raindrops echoing in the wake of your silent mind, you try the fast ride, with the cold wind blowing on your face, to try to feel more than just the thrill.
But you find your inspiration in the ordinary, like when you see the smile on the face of a toddler, when you catch the sparkle in a lover’s eyes, when you watch a person meditate to a being they can’t even see, only feel in emotion. You see that inspiration is beyond reach, and that’s the only thing that makes you recognize and balance your rights and your wrongs, and makes you embrace the change in your life, is where you belong.

A survivor.


Pain is underrated, maybe because it’s one of the most common feelings one experiences. Also it is the most frequently used word in many phrases distinctly related to disappointment, displeasure and disloyalty.
We all go through phases of time when life is a blur, when you lose your perspective because the pain you feel is so strong, and the more you try to control it, to manage it, the more the pain increases.
We all know that a mask exists, the one we put on from time to time, the one with a smile plastered and eyes that shine with excitement all the time, that’s the mask we’re all aware of, though we rarely admit to its existence in our lives, but through time and time again, we use it to get by, when the day gets tough, when you’re obligated to feel fine even if you’re not, when it is a necessity for you to be okay even if you’re not. You simply, pretend.
You can harden yourself; you can be pretentious and convince yourself that even though you took a fist in the heart, even though every ounce of strength you have left to go on maybe crumbling right ahead of you, even though you’re bleeding with every second that passes, and you know that the clock is ticking, and you’re not healing, you’re ongoing to the path of recovery and you tell yourself that it doesn’t get to you, you make-believe even for a moment, that you’re not drowning in self-pity, and you try too hard to not wallow in self loathing because you knew you were standing on the edge, you knew if you took that step, that if you tried to reach out, you’d slip through the cracks that formed with every storm that passed by, and they weakened the foundation, yet, you took the slip, you risked the fall, because somewhere along the fall, you knew you could survive the pain, you knew you would end in pain, but you also barely understood, that you would come out of it, a survivor.

A long way to go.


Have you ever felt anger? The type that tears you from inside out, the feeling that makes you stop breathing, and you hear a ringing in your ears, the hard thumping of your heart in that instant, when the world just stops. And you know it just stopped for you.
Yet in those few seconds, when the world is at the slowest pace you have ever been at, seconds are scattered around you and you don’t understand the reason, the reason for the sore tears that lie on your cheeks, so discreetly, like a thief in the night.
And then reality hits you in that instant, and you’re back to the world that knows how to break your heart into two, without really feeling the pain.
And your anger subsides. You know you know how to feel. So you feel unconditionally, and it’s so hard not to blame someone, for your fears, your insecurities turned into reality, because of somebody else.
And in that moment, you’re confused, torn between anger and hurt, and you realize the agony you’re going through won’t go away with harsh words and tired aching screams.
So you do what you should’ve done a long time back. You gather all your emotions at hand, all which are left scattered about because you just let it be for once, and you walk away.
Walk away from the battle field. You thought you were a warrior? You can’t win a battle that wins you no gain. You know the minute you started to feel the pain that you lost before you started trying.
It’s not an empty road, no. It’s full of lights and screeching horns and yells for you to get out of the way, because somebody’s always looking to reach the destination before you. So you try, try to get in the crowd, this crowd of cold heartless souls, looking for somebody who holds a heart. And sometimes, if you’re lucky enough, you find someone who won’t put you through the hurt and resentment that you know you are able to feel, and sometimes, you just keep looking, because there’s a long way to go.

It’s life.


How is this life fair? When you get something that you’ve lost all the will, to earn.
When you gain the little that you thought you deserved, but you gain it when you lose all your courage, your strength to learn to keep it.
Do we thrive on the chase? Because it’s too tough, that road with too many bumps, that circle that just won’t fit in the square, that insolvent piece of art that you try to perceive as a masterpiece, that ruined personality that you transform to feel that you’ve distorted something for the better.
Is it always about us? When you fix something that needs to be fixed, do you do it to feel good about yourself? Or do you learn to enhance that ideal, that representation of that mere idea, for the greater good?
Why don’t we ask ourselves that one simple question? Is it about us, or them? After all, don’t we benefit from that uplifting feeling of making a change in someone’s life, which in actuality revolutionizes a part in you.
This is life after all, you can cheat all you want, but you win the game, when it’s meant to be won.
You can neither push too hard, nor pull too less, whatever’s thrown your way, it will fit exactly where it needs to be fit.
Yet we all struggle, to find that one tiny key that will open the chest of pure happiness, when we don’t really recognize, no such key exists.
So you turn your own fear into an enemy, your own boundaries into walls that strangle you till you choke for some air in your lungs, your insecurities into complex theories, your friendships into dependency and your love into a problem that exists because you just didn’t stop your heart for that one second, which changed your life nevertheless.
Everybody wants a life without pain, what insufficient, reckless people don’t realize is, that pain is there, for a reason.
When you look back on your life, you think of the best, and the mediocre. But the best time includes the things that you weren’t supposed to do, but you did them anyway. Life’s too short for rules. So either you live in the moment, or you don’t live at all.