With every beginning, comes the slow trace of an ending. There it is, subtly moving in the background, when you find, your new found respect of certainty. A part of you considers, or if you are an optimist, you don’t even do that. The veil to and from either of those things, is thin, is even concealed by a large chunk of buoyancy on your part. What it does, it hides the horror, masks the monsters lurking around the corner of your own conscience. It exists, it’s there, but you don’t want to know it. So you never learn to look.
The problem with human imagination is, it expands to far too many corners of the mind, and takes up unknown space, spreading slowly. First it affects your actions. Second it affects your expectations, and third, and most dangerous, it affects your heart.
Hope is not an unknown thing, it isn’t even dangerous, taken in small doses, when the time fits right, but many times, the fragment of a moment that begins your journey, not restricting time and space, can lead to a large amount of hope, for a cause that is not bound to last a long time.
So we fight for it, we even cage ourselves in an obsession to find a way out, even if the way out is the one which makes your crawl for it, makes you hurt, makes you question your own preferences. And what this whole process does is, it eventually leads you to break that wall, the one you built to keep the dark forces out, and once you do, the darkness overtakes you; it sucks up your soul, and fills you with bitterness, with anger, and worst of all, with regret. And you’re faced with two options, to keep on fighting, or to flee from the feeling altogether. If you keep fighting you’ll either win with a heart, that won’t stop bleeding, or the best part of your thoughts, will be overtaken by your demons, which will constantly make you think else wise.
And if you flee, you will only be the saviour in your own eyes, and that too, in the shallow end, and for a while, it will feel alright, it will feel like the burden is finally off your shoulders, and that you’ve dropped it into an ocean, which will carry it far away from you, and so it may end up on a river bank someday, for someone else to sort out.
But what a floating burden like that does is, it finds a way through the tides, back to you.
So what do you do? In a time like this, when the better part of your thoughts, and the bliss you once felt, has forsaken you?
You do both those things. You fight till you know that it’s time to go. It’s time to let it free. Not in the way you dump the contents of a can you decide doesn’t fit your taste anymore. But like you slowly unwrap a candy, and throw away the wrapper, that has kept it safe for you. But now, you don’t need it anymore. Its existence has been forgone.
Sometimes, some things we just don’t have any control over. We like to believe that there is something more that we can do. A little more effort, a tad bit more affection and love, but no. When the flowers lose their bloom, when it’s time for the trees to shed, when the leaves turn dark, when the sun disappears behind a dark cloud, it doesn’t mean that they won’t come back again, in their own spirit, in their own time. It just means that they reached an expiration date, an ending.
So find another beginning if you’ve reached an end, search for the lost light, it’s never too far. With every beginning, comes an ending, but with every ending, also begins the search for, a new start. A start that will lead on to another journey, another adventure, and hopefully bring forth the idea of better times, of lessons that are absolutely necessary to redeem your soul, for the soul is a hungry one, and it thrives on happiness. So feed your soul all the happiness that you desire, for it can be found, it exists, buried underneath someone else’s ending. It could be your beginning.
“Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, the not-yet, and the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it’s yours.”
― Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged